Every now and then we may find ourselves in a relationship that has just run its course. Whether it’s a result of a relationship that never should have been or two people growing apart, ending a relationship often can be hard. It is important to know why you are making the decision that you are making. It is also important to know that you are comfortable with the decision you are making.
In order to do this, you may need to separate yourself from the situation. Ask your partner for some alone time in order to reflect and really think about how you feel. Today I want to share some of the red flags I wilfully ignored that turned out to be major warning signs. And if you or anyone you know is experiencing any of these in a relationship, especially early on, now is the time to get out.
Even though I love playing the Sims, I have a sense of priority and it doesn't consume me. Something he did that I could not tolerate even after pointing it out was every morning he would roll over, grab his iPad and load a meaningless game with deplorable graphics. It's one of those games that designed to be played while you wait in line somewhere but every morning without fail, that got his attention, not me. He would never acknowledge me in the morning before going to work and the same at night before bed because he was in the game. Coming home from work or any outing, that iPad was there first thing he grabbed for that game. I had dealt with this behaviour before for 2 years and I wasn't about to put up with it again. I voiced my concerns twice. It was either the game or me and he made his choice.
Lack of focus
Without going into too much details, I got the sense that I had a better understanding of his goals than he did. But no matter what, he never took any of my advice. It wouldn't have been so bad if what he insisted on doing actually worked. When I saw this, I knew a future with him would be unstable and he would always just he a dreamer instead of a doer. I saw massive financial debt in the future and that just wasn't going to work.
Even one of my best friends told me she had the same problem with her now ex. He also told her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about, when she was the one who helped him to build his business.
I don't know why guys lie. I don't know why they feel a need to present a false version of themselves instead of just working to become that person. He made a lot of promises that he just couldn't live up to and once his lies started falling apart, so did the relationship. In essence everything we had was based on a lie so towards the end, I had no idea who he really was.
Pay attention to what your parent says and what they back track on. Sometimes it takes calling them out on it to get them to admit that they can’t really do something they said they’d do. And if that lie was really important to your partner, watch how their demeanour changes once they’re outed.
Does your partner have subtle ways of being aggressive? I'm not talking about hitting you, I mean the unhealthy jealousy, blowing up over little things and always finding a way to make it your fault? This is a dangerous kind of abuse because there are no physical marks but the scars last a long time. If your partner shouts at you instead of calmly communicating, accusers you of cheating with zero evidence, or displays any other manipulative behaviour, it's time to get out NOW! The longer they think they have you under their spell, the worse it's going to get.
I guarantee I did not make this word up. My best friend taught me this word after she ended her two year relationship with her boyfriend this summer. She said that’s how he made people around him feel. To stultify means to cause to lose enthusiasm and initiative, especially as a result of a tedious or restrictive routine. She complained that he always wanted to go to the same bar every weekend, or after every outing, they would end up at the same bar. She couldn’t take it any more.
He had complained she didn’t suggest date ideas. Her gripe was he turned down or reacted negatively to everything she suggested, which made her shut down. As she told me this, I remembered another ex I experienced this with. Being with a negative person, or someone who can’t break routine can be stifling and depressing. And girl, (or dude) you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes a relationship has just run it’s course, and sometimes you never should have been in the relationship to begin with. I did not touch on physical abuse, because that’s a no-brainer. If your partner ever hits you or makes you feel unsafe, you don’t need any more signs to leave. If you need some resources on domestic violence, check out The Crisis Centre or The Family. And if you need my help connecting you to a local therapist, shoot me a message below and I’ll be happy to help.