Can I be honest for a moment? I don't have the biggest body confidence. I know that most women actually struggle with this. As a kid, I was a late bloomer and always felt invisible to boys. I experimented with my look a lot going from tomboy to emo to sophisticated chic. It took me years to find a style that suited me. Why? Because I was ashamed of my body. To this day there are parts of me or angles that I would never want photographed. I'm sure you women know what I'm talking about. That one angle you insist on being photographed from because it's your best side? Well today I'm sharing that side me of I always try to hide.
I recently took a yoga class at Ohana Studio on the Cable Beach strip. I loved the class. It was perfect for beginners but still challenged my muscles that haven't seen a workout in months! I tell people that I have what's called, "Skinny Fat Girl Problems". As I looked back at the video I saw something that made me want to delete the video immediately: MY BELLY! I have a petite body but a size 30 waist that as you can see in the video protrudes. This bothers me because people expect my body to be "perfect" because I'm slim and hate to hear me complain about my size. This has made me stay away from wearing certain clothing items like bodycon dresses unless I could hide my stomach somehow with a jacket or holding my stomach in the entire time. I am really self concious and there's never anything anyone can say that makes me feel better about it. It's even gotten in the way of a lot of intimate moments in the past. But after that yoga class, I began to think about my body in a different light.
The fitness instructor Lauren made sure everyone was comfortable and it was something she said that actually inspired this post. When we told us not to worry about what the other person is doing or how they look doing it, simply focus on yourself, your body and your breathing. I kept trying to suck my belly in, in the beginning of class, but as the class went on I stopped focusing on that and started focusing on what really mattered: How my body felt. Did a pose hurt? Could I push myself more? Should I pull back? And when I started to do that, I felt taller, stronger.
I decided to share snippets of the workout below because I know there were moments that I could not fully get into a pose because I lack the flexibility or moments where my belly hung. But a part of building my self confidence begins with self acceptance. I may not be the most flexible, my butt may be flat and my abs may not be toned, but these are all temporary things that can improve with work and effort. I start by looking at what I do like about myself and it definitely outweighs what I don't like. I also remind myself that beauty is beyond what we see on the outside. Beauty is in your personality, your intelligence, your mannerisms, your accomplishments. Working out can be a pain especially in front of a group of people when you don't feel totally confident, but I plan on joining a gym today (or at least looking into it). You can workout to the video below, just remember to do the reps as they are not shown.