Another one bites the dust. Sorry to say, but as quickly as it started, it’s over again. He said something after I ended that although it made a lot of sense, was really no excuse. It was, “It was a bad idea to spend 2 weeks with someone you basically just met.” We had only been dating for 4 months, but I learned more about him in the 2 weeks we spent together than ever. And none of it was good. You see a completely different side of a person when you’re physically with them, compared to a phone conversation. It’s easy to love someone over the phone because they can alter the nasty parts of their personality. The saddest part is when people would rather give up than recognise the solution to the problem lies within them. It was a very toxic breakup for a rather toxic relationship and I wanted nothing more than to just get away from him. I even arranged for a Lyft to the airport for my own safety and sanity. There were no goodbyes, and no last words as I let myself out; it was as if there was never anything between us as he went out of his way to erase every evidence of me ever being in his life right before my eyes.
I ended things the day I came back home last month and immediately dived into self-care. The relationship may have only been four months long, but that doesn’t mean real feelings weren’t invested, so I knew I needed to pay close attention to my well-being. I didn’t want him to know his actions were hurting me, because I knew he wanted a reaction out me, but at that point, I just had nothing left in me. My best friend Telia was with me every step of the way from the comforting phone calls and texts to meeting me at my house once I landed. We had tickets to Survival Weekend and I knew more than ever it was exactly what I needed. I didn’t care who was there, I didn’t care who looked or how I looked. I danced and sang along to artists like Wendi, Dyson Knight, Nailah Blackman, Lyrikal, Kerwin Du Bois and Skinny Fabulous! I was drenched in sweat but I was happy! It was the happiest I had felt in two weeks. The next day I watched Avengers: End Game in 4DX with my dad. I cried, I queried but I still enjoyed even though my dad found it to be anti-climatic.
The following Monday I was back to my regular workout routine. I still worked out while I was away but I missed working out with my trainer and my best friend. My trainer told me I looked “flat” and that I lost too much weight. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that’s what stress does to the body. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I’ve been that thin since my early twenties, when I was in college. But I still enjoyed my workout as my trainer works to “bulk me up” again. I also enjoyed some quality time with my niece who has an odd yet adorable new dance where she leans her head on her shoulder and spins in a circle.
Unfortunately by the end of the week, when I should have been preparing for Carnival and the Cinco de Mayo party I was co-hosting, I developed an awful sinus infection. I managed to go to the Friday concert as planned, but I slept the ENTIRE day Saturday. I was in debilitating pain and couldn’t even keep my eyes open. I had never experienced pain like that before. For two days I drugged myself with everything I could find just to make it stop. We had to reschedule the party to the following Thursday as I spent the entire weekend in bed. This also meant a pause in my workout routine, which I was not happy about. Between the pain, loss of appetite and dizzy spells I felt utterly useless.
But nothing heals quite like family. My grandmother came home on Tuesday for Mother’s Day, so I’m spending as much time with her as I can before she goes back. We were supposed to go to Eleuthra for the weekend, but the boat wasn’t going any more so we had a quiet weekend.
On Thursday, we had our postponed Cinco de Mayo party and the laughs were EVERYTHING! We enjoyed tacos, quesadillas, music, games and my new Cucumber, Mint & Lime Cocktail and Margarita cupcakes. If you haven’t already, sign up for my newsletter to receive the exclusive recipe for my Margarita Cupcakes!
Ending a relationship is never easy. There’s a lot of emotions attached especially when you’ve tried explaining your needs over and over again for them to fall on deaf ears. I didn’t expect the ungratefulness or any of the things he did just to hurt me. I know that I’m better off without that kind of negativity in my life but moving on will take time because I now have to pay attention to all of the needs that went neglected for so long. I also don’t want to look at any potential new suitor with the same distrusting lens. I’m very grateful to be surrounded by family and friends to keep me upbeat and thinking positively; they make this all possible.