What To Do When You're Not Feeling So Confident

Hello Lovely,

Are you a confident woman? Do you keep pushing in the face of adversity? Do you wake up every morning ready to rock? And then it happens. Every confident woman has a weakness somewhere. There's always something that can hurt our pride or put a thorn in our confident stride. Maybe it's when someone lets you down and you now have to fend for yourself? Maybe it's when you realise that you have no reliable or authentic friends at work, and no matter how hard you try to ignore it and just focus on the job, you can't deny that it gets a little lonely. And maybe even uncomfortable if you know they don't like you. It's hard to maintain your confidence when you have to interact with the very thing that tries to tear you down. I'm sure we all have our methods for breaking through, but after so much fighting, do you ever just get tired?

I know I do. I'm on a positive vibes only right now but I'm surrounded by negativity every day. No matter how hard I try to compartmentalise and distance myself from the drama, it really only does one thing: Leaves me alone. You brush it off as haters and a sign that you're clearly doing something worth watching. You also remind yourself that comparison is the thief of joy and it's never good to second guess yourself because of what someone else is doing. And sure for awhile being alone is nice, because I'm confident in myself and what I have to offer. However, after so much alone time, sometimes I do start to think, Is it me? Am I the problem? And just like that, my confident is shattered. So what do you do when you're not feeling so confident? Here are just a few ways to pick yourself back up.

1. Call your person

Everyone should know that episode of Grey's Anatomy where Christina told Meredith (or was it the other way around) that she is her person (if you don't, I literally just provided the clip for you, watch it, don't be lazy). It quickly became a thing that we all started saying. Everyone should have a "person" or maybe more than just one person. I have two people. Two people that no matter what, I know they won't judge me, they will understand, and depending on my mood will automatically know if I need sound, logical advise, or just an ear to vent to so that I feel right. And yes these are the people I would call if I just murdered someone, if they weren't already there when it happened.

2. Dance It Out

Or whatever your thing is. What is it that soothes you? Dancing? Singing? Video Games? Cooking? And it doesn't even have to be something you're good at. God knows I am not the best singer, but that doesn't stop me from building karaoke playlists that I belt out in my car while not letting people out of corners (eye of the tiger baby - not literally the song, that's just how it makes me feel when a song I really enjoy singing along to comes on).

3. Stop trying

Who gives a damn any way? So what if your coworkers don't like you, so what if you messed up that recipe? Give yourself a break. Literally, stop trying. Whatever it is, walk away from it. Do not let that moment define who you are. You, awesome you. You'll get it next time, or maybe never at all; and that's okay. Whatever it is you can't do (after trying everything you could to do it) simply wasn't meant for you to do. Stop trying, and find something else you can do!

We're not perfect. We cheat on diets, we skip gym days (for months on end) but we're not failures. It's okay to not be confident 100% of the time. It's okay to not have all the answers. Give yourself credit for the things you can do and know that tomorrow is a brand new chapter waiting to be written.

Olivia name.jpg

5 Secrets for Speaking & Presenting Confidently

Hello Lovely,

How many of you hate public speaking? I remember as a kid my dad enrolled me in Toastmasters. I hated the programme. I wasn't a social kid so going to the meetings was torture, and to be honest, I didn't really learn much from going to them.

I didn't actually get good at public speaking until the beginning of my senior year in college. I was working on a research project with a team. We each had to take turns presenting the information at an on campus research symposium. I was so nervous. I watched my classmates fumble and forget parts, but when it was my turn, something about it just came natural to me. And my professor noticed. She was so impressed by my performance she made me give the same presentation about 3 more times in her classes to her students before administering surveys to gather more information. I say made because she was one of those professors you just couldn't say no to. 

After that I never had a problem speaking publicly again. But that doesn't mean that I don't still get nervous. I recently gave my final presentation for my graduate degree (that's right, I graduated, woohoo!) and I had the worst anxiety leading up to it. So today I'm sharing my tips and tricks for speaking and presenting confidently. It's okay to feel nervous before public speaking, but there are some really easy things you can do to move past that nervous feeling and rock that presentation!

1. You'll do a better job if you actually care about what you're talking about

I think one of the reasons I did so well back in college was because I cared about the information. It was a project I was emotionally invested in and I love psychology. I find it easy to talk to others about mental health and disorders, because I'm passionate about the topic. If you love what you're talking about, it'll be easier to talk about it.

2. Know what you need to say

Memorise the material as much as you can. Nothing is worse than constantly having to refer to your notes when speaking. If you want to speak and present confidently, you have to know the material. Be prepared for a Q&A if time allows. 

3. Practice really does make perfect

No one knocks it out of the park the first time, so keep practising. If you can, use friends and family as your practise audience. That way, you can get feedback on how to improve before the real thing.

4. Dress confidently

It definitely puts a pep in my step when I know I look good. I exude a level of confidence when I'm wearing something pretty. If I'm nervous about doing something new or speaking I plan an eye-catching outfit. First impressions are critical so if I look like I know what I'm talking about, it tends to make me feel more confident and capable.

5. Get to know your audience

If you are booked to speak at an event, always get the logistics of the audience before preparing your speech. You don't want to give a speech tailored for middle-aged adults to a room full of teenagers. I've seen this happen to many people. They think they can use the same powerpoint for everyone because it's the same topic, but the powerpoint ends up being way too long for the alotted time frame or simply out of touch. Based on the age group and other demographics of the audience, it may be more appropriate to include jokes or speak from a more faith-based approach.

BONUS TIP: If you can, bring someone you know and you're comfortable with. Their positive energy and support will help you get through the presentation

I hope these tips give you the confidence you need for the next time you have to do any kind of public speaking. Do you have any other tips or tricks? I'd love for you to share them in the comment section.